BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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