I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize