the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
