allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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