Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
