Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
