Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
