I'm jealous of your bromance
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
