You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize