I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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