At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
