My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
