You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
