she woke up with a sticky ear
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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