is your mom at the bar?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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