We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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