Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
