there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
