It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
