so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
