Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
