I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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