that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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