dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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