So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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