dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
