i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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