Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
