Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
