He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
