totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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