I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
