1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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