I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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