I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
