You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
