I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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