he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
