Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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