There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
