So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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