just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm always down for nudity.
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