she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
