I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
