I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
