Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
