btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
