he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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