On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
