Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
