Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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