did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
