like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
