I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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