i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize