sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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