Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
