He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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