my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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