Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize