Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
