Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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