I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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