My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
