I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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