I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
