I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize