Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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