Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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