we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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