I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
