she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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