party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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