i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
