life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize