I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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