Where is the hickey?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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