is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
