We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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