that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
