Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize