I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
