i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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