this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
