I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
