based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
