I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
