peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
