Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
