there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the day after is always just damage control
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
