Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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