quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
