So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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