my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
