so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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