Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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