can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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