remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What drink are we having for lunch?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
