Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
