she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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