I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
