When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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