...so i touched it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
