It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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