I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
