there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
