fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
