Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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