I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
