Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
